Can I just tell you how freaking different searching & applying for jobs is than when I had to do it fifteen years ago?
Yes, I am old (no not really-but by Tumblr standards I am ancient) and I was at my former job in all it’s incarnations for almost 15 years. I certainly don’t feel as old as I should-at least most days. Almost a year later-I wish I could tell you I don’t feel as washed up, used up and broken, defective and a waste as I did last year as February rolled into March….but I sort of do.
I can honestly say that I couldn’t see myself staying in teaching/education until I retired at the ripe old age of ancient (let’s be real-in the current economy would I really be able to afford to retire at 65?) So what now?
Yah-I’ve been working on a book manuscript.
Yes-I’ve been trying to get back into drawing, creating-but I feel like my art well has gone dry and that breaks my heart like you would not believe. I don’t know if it’s fear of not being able to actually draw anymore, or just apathy-there are so many more talented people here on the internet-hell even my fourteen year old cousin draws better than I do. The writing is just coming a bit easier right now. Not that I feel I’m any good.
I want to try and get into freelance writing of some sort-but I certainly don’t have the confidence-or the publishing experience.
In a way-me having to forcefully rip myself out of that rather distasteful educational scene I was in-was a blessing. At least in the long run. Now I’m having to take care of my mother. Because of medical issues that started this summer-she is now unable really see or withstand any light brighter than a dim table light and driving (especially in the winter sun) is out of the question. I am chauffeur, cook, maid, etc. But I’m out of work-so it’s the least I can do, right?
I really need to find a job I can do at home so I can be there for her and not feel like such a schmuck for not contributing.
But what do?
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